I just want to tell you...

i just want to tell you
this among
the other million things
i ever wanted to tell
its seems like you are the first
and the only
there have been men in the past
but they all are such cowards
you fought and took me away from all the dirt
you put a full stop to all the pretending
you taught me to love myself
and kept me safe in your arms
i may cry with fear of losing you
but i am sure you would be there
through it all
through happiness and sadness
through sickness and health
it doesnt matter how far we are
or how close
it is just important
that we are there together
wherever we are
and we are there for each other
whenever we need to
somehow all this seems really unrealistic to me
but it is reality
in all the bad
there is some good
somehow i am able to trust again
it is because you make me believe
in you
in me
in us
in love
in god
in faith
in destiny
and every other
good thing
existing and non existent.
thank you for everything

feels right

Today i got up with a smile
No matter how tired were my eyes
No matter how sick i was
I realise
It is a new day
And a lot between us has changed
Probably ,We have gotten
One day older
Together
But there is more love and comfort from my side
I regret for all i have done yesterday (past)
I am apologitic
I am happy
In the present
We made You and Me, Us
I am excited
Not knowing the future with you
But I guess we would make it together
There too
I thank you
For everything you have done
For the patient wait
For believing in me
For complementing me
For being the baby i want to care for :)
For the happy moments
For the times you stand by me and support me
For all the times you say 'Lavina you are awesome' :)
For all the care you take
For the love you give
For the trust you build
For the shoulder you offer
For the bear hugs you give
For the tears you let me shed
For being the punching bag
For being the cute dog :)
Thank you for not ruining
This four letter word
Which was once said to express
Everything materialistic
Thank you for restoring
My trust and belief
In this love and
Thank you for helping
Me seek happiness in Us
Thank you for
Handling my fears
Like a baby is your arms
And
Thank you for
Not hurting me
And letting me get hurt
I love you
For everything that can be said
For everything that are left unsaid
For everything that can be seen
For everything that is unseen
For everythinng existing
For everything yet to come our way
I know this is right
I know this feels right
There are no hesitations
And no inhibitions
You are probably
The answer
To all my prayers!

The picture. .

I was just walking to the bus stop
To go some place else
The day pleasant
The sun coming down
I began thinking about the usuals
Like
What was coming up this week
Or like how things have changed
Any birthdays that coming up etc etc
I get into the bus
And sit on my favourite seat
Just next to the window
The moving traffic
And those bright yellow lights
Just then my mind rewinds to a few things
Happened in the past
Whose shadows always follow
Even a year or more
Later
Some how I feel
Things have not changed
They are all the same
Whether I am Home
Or Away
The same names crop up in conversations
Same names stay on your contact and speed dial lists
Same names come in newspapers
If not the same
Then its Related
Either those names are related to you directly
Those names are no more related to you
But now related to your friends
Sometimes I don't know how to take it
Should I just move ahead
Thinking eventually I will out grow it
Like the time I out grew my clothes
Or should I just try really hard
To erase these pictures?
Feels like I have called this upon myself
By drawing on the wrong page of my life
First painted with all the lovely colours
Then changing my mind
And painting them
Black and White
And now
Wonder if I would be better off
Just tearing them
Into so many pieces
Amounting to
The number of times these pictures
Caused Pain
To
My Past
Causing Pain
To
My Present
Might Cause Pain
To
My Future

Attachment causes detachment

I feel horrible inside
It is not how I had left it like
Anymore
It is now what I feared
Guess everyone goes through this period
Where they make new friends
And lose some old ones
I feel now I am in a new city altogether
Its no more familiar to me
Everything seems fake.
Like a facade.
There is no more sharing of joy n sadness
There is only concealment
There is no more openness in welcoming
And no more sadness in bidding
Everybody has moved on
Everybody has a life of their own
Nobody turns back to look at those happy times
Guess they too made friends
And thats why lost few..
I don't know how different things would have been
If I stayed back
And I am unaware of
How things would drastically change
If I stayed there any longer
I am now stuck in between two cities
The 'old' or my 'new'
And now I know its high time
I make new friends
And try not to lose my old ones!
Its high time I too move on
And make my life

Now I know the game of life
Attachment causes detachment

its there

I am in this new place
There are thousands of people around
I am lost in the crowd
And every time I am in these closed walls
I am lone
I cannot help thinking of home
My fraends and the old city
I tell myself you have to move on
And get used to this new world
Of people where
Love is just a four letter word
Friend is just a five
And there is no family
They are mere words
And no life
They see only of how you look
And how you dress
And if you fit in the 15 yr old's clothes
They see if you know anything about drinks
And what assignments to complete
Its all you are alive for
Back home there is
Love which is all we share
Friends very rare
And family !
Where they await for your arrival
Where they dont see your 2 year old jean
And where they don't even notice if you
Are thin or fat
Where they wait for those warm hugs
And hearty laughter
Where they care and share.

Its not something I can take anymore
I wish to come back soon
Or
Wish for something good
I could wait
But feel impossible to wait for long...

i left it all back

I left it all back there
For a new start
But when i come here
I realise that the end has just begun
I miss all the laughter
and all the fun
I miss those falling tears
And the warming hugs
I miss those fancy fraends
And that fancy fverld
I miss putting the plan
And shakrafree gum
I miss those moments today
and all i want to say
Is I love you guys all my life
I'll give anything you say
I'll keep it all together
I'll give it all my time
you guys are simply the best
And are all fancily mine

:D

I never knew

I never knew
Things could work the other way round
I never knew
I would grow up this fast
I never knew
I would some day realise what is past is past
I never knew
Life was really a discovery by itself
I never knew
This was just the beginning
I never knew
It wouldn't be so tough to pass this test
I never knew
There was no harm in what i really wanted to do
I never knew
There is something else at the back of my mind
I never knew
That this is what i really wanted deep down my heart
I never knew
Things were much better this way
I never knew
That one day it was all this i would say!